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Light hearted observations and tips on gift wrapping.


GIFT WRAPPING

A light hearted look at gift wrapping


rabbit sitting in a basket with some flowers

The following observations and tips on “Gift
Wrapping” have been sent in by a regular visitor, Linda Hagar

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men — Kasper, Balthasar and Melchoir — went to see the
baby Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, “presented unto Him gifts; 
gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of
wrapping paper. If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said something like
this:

“And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper. And
the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman.  And Joseph WAS going to
throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him. Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for
next year!’ And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in
the paper than, for example, the frankincense.”

But these or similar words do not appear in the Bible, which means
that at the very first Christmas, gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people
giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my
opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

The
first one said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, “If it’s such a poor
gift that I don’t want to be there when the person opens it.”

The other one told me
he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle, never takes more than 15 seconds per
gift. “No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at
Christmas,   they were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs.”

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
can never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it
the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court,
but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out.

(Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had
been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body
would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give a woman a 12 inch square of wrapping
paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. One of the guy’s wife, like many women I know,
actually LIKES wrapping things.  If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she
wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental
illness. If it were possible, many women would wrap each individual ‘volt’ contained in
the battery.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills — like having
babies — that come more naturally to women than to men. 

That is why today I am presenting:
GIFT WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN.

Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the
recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it’s
‘myrrh’.

The editors of Woman’s Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half
horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be
smoking crack!

If you’re giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just
put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a
festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?

YOU:  It’s a gift! See? It has a bow!

YOUR WIFE: (peering into the trash bag): It’s a leaf blower.

YOU:  Gas-powered! Five horsepower!

YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.

YOU: I also got you some MYRRH.

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you
give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year
………………………is that you save the receipt. 

Happy Holidays!